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Father Rights Canada / title to be edited
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Father Rights Canada / Living with abuse, speaking out.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017 - Fathers - Not disclosed - Fathers Rights Canada

I wanted to share this Facebook Status but I can't do it. So I decided to share it here anonymously. I just wish to be understood. It seems like nobody understands what I struggle with every day. But its my fault for keeping it to myself.

So this is what I almost posted on facebook today:
"That psycho bitch and her torment... That's whats on my mind and it won't fucking go away. Just in case you wanted to know. Which you don't. But seriously, tormented is a good word to use. She punched me once and I dropped the leash as we were out for a walk and her dog took off after a bunny and got hit by a car. We made up a story about how the leash got loose to hide the fact that she was abusive to me. She was abusive very often. She even got child support against me while she was still living with me, for many months, scamming the system. I've never really told anyone. I am tormented by her abuse all the time though. I can't sleep because I would dread sleeping next to her, every night for years, and I even feared for my life, that I would wake up being stabbed by her with a knife. I have ptsd from it and so sometimes I stay up until 3 AM and drink alcohol until I can't feel the anxiety any more so that I just pass out to sleep and don't have to lay in bed awake trying not to feel these feelings."

And the truth is my therapist doesn't even know what happened. We don't have time to talk about what happened, our sessions are an hour and 2 times a month and all we talk about is coping strategies. This doesn't even come close to the help I need. Also, Child Services didn't ask me if she was abusive to me, although she clearly was. I feel like they should have at least asked if she has abused me in any way. It really pisses me off. They connected her with supports but not me. She gets so much help because she attempted suicide and created a scene and threatened the children. I was given custody because of that, but now we have a 50/50 arrangement because I have no backbone and she threw a scene in mediation and I capitulated. I know she is doing better now, but it still doesn't help. I still fear that she has episodes and freak outs around the kids. And I know she has recently within the last month or so as it was reported to me by the dayhome provider.

But I don't have the time or mental bandwidth to collect the evidence I have against her and do something about it. I did contact an agency who has put me on a waiting list for a support worker, so that is good. I feel like I'm being stressed from all sides. I lost my job, I found a new one but still fear losing it, it is stressful. I have social anxiety from being bullied as a child and also my mom was abusive so that is part of the reason why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so many years. Maybe this can be a step in the right direction. I feel like some people say not to think about what happened to get over it, but I think its also important to tell what happened, because otherwise nobody understands who I am today...

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Fathers | Hilarie Fortune Voice Page created 7/26/2017 5:10:19 AM Audience: Public


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